While a proficient achiever knows how to set and pursue a goal, there are other factors that enter into the process toward developing excellence. Knowing about this process can help alleviate getting stuck and also bring greater clarity and value toward achieving a goal.

When learning something new, most of us go through a 4-stage process. Think in terms of a baby who does not get around on its own, but then learns to crawl, eventually walks and finally knows how to run. If you see the big picture, then you are more likely to work through the rough spots.

Setting and working toward a goal is very similar to the four stages of learning. So let us take a look at these stages and consider how this process applies to the journey of goal achievement.

The learning or achievement process can become difficult when bad feelings surface because one makes a mistake or hits a roadblock. These feelings are reflected in self-judgments such as, ‘I am not doing this right,’ ‘I am not good enough,’ ‘I can never learn this,’ and so on.

Ironically, not getting it right early on and making mistakes are vital steps in the learning process. Yet too often our attention goes to trying to avoid the bad feelings, rather than to the learning or task at hand. Understanding and working through the four stages of learning a skill or achieving a goal can help keep the process focused, and not about feeling frustrated or discouraged.

Here are the four stages of the learning process:

1. Unconscious Incompetence: ‘I do not know that I do not know how to do this.’ This is the stage of blissful ignorance before learning begins.

2. Conscious Incompetence: ‘I know that I do not know how to do this, yet.’ This is the most difficult stage, where learning begins and where the most self-judgments are formed.

3. Conscious Competence: ‘I know that I know how to do this.’ This stage of learning is easier than the second stage, but it is still uncomfortable and self-conscious.

4. Unconscious Competence: ‘What, you say I did something well?’ The final stage of learning a skill is when it has become a natural part of us; we do not have to think about it.

Do you see how these four stages apply when setting and pursuing a goal? Remember, while you may know all the steps for properly setting a goal and going after it, there are still other factors that you must process along the way. Keeping the four stages of learning in mind can definitely help in making the goal achievement journey more effective.

PROFIT NOW from the highly acclaimed FREE AUDIO CD on Breakthrough Success at http://DiscoverMillionDollarDesire.com Also go to http://DiscoverMillionDollarDesire.com/blog for more articles to advance personal and career success.

Take a moment right now to think about a situation today in which you were caring - at home, at work, with a friend, or with someone you don’t know such as a salesperson or a waiter. Are you willing to be completely honest with yourself regarding why you were caring? If you are, then go inside and notice if your caring had any outcome attached to it. Is there something you wanted from the other person? Is there some reason you were caring other than caring for the joy of it?

Ask yourself these questions:

• Was there some part of me that was trying to control what the other person thought of me? Was I behaving in a caring way to get attention, approval, validation, love, time, or sex?

• Was there a part of me hoping that my caring would result in monetary gain? Was I acting caring in the hopes of getting the other person to trust me enough to participate in some way that would bring me more money?

None of us like to think of ourselves as manipulative, yet we all have a part of us that wants control over getting what we want, and we may have learned to use our caring as one form of control.

While caring as a form of control may seem to work at times, it will never bring you joy. You might receive approval or sex or money, but something will always seem to be missing from your life. Getting what you believe you want may feel good for the moment, but it will never bring you the deep joy that results when caring from the heart with no agenda or attachment to outcomes.

When we are caring from the heart, we become, as Mother Teresa said, “God’s pencil.” We are giving to others just for the sake of expressing what is most beautiful about life - caring about each other. Giving to others from an open heart fills the soul with joy.

You can express this pure caring only when you are also caring about yourself. If you are not giving yourself the attention, validation, and love that we all need, then you will covertly be trying to get this from others. Others will pick up the “giving to get” energy and may not feel your “caring.” In fact, others may even become resistant to receiving your caring because it feels controlling to them - and it is.

We can be caring purely for the joy of it only when we are taking 100% responsibility for ourselves - for thinking and behaving in ways that lead to inner safety and a deep sense of self worth. When we are not doing this for ourselves, then we need this from others, and we will be unable to be caring without strings attached.

It is in primary relationships with mates, children, and parents, that our giving to get has the most negative consequences. No one likes to be controlled by others, so when you give with an agenda, you may encounter anger and/or withdrawal. Your loved ones might not even know why they are angry or withdrawn. They just know that something feels bad inside them when you are “caring” about them.

While the outward behavior may look exactly the same when you are caring with an agenda or caring for the joy of it, energetically these two intentions feel totally different to others. If others are not responsive to your caring, you might want to honestly look at your intent in being caring.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and

A few weeks ago we did a blog asking if you could go back and actually meet one of your childhood crushes, who would it be? Today I have a different question for you: if you could be any type of performer, what would it be?

I saw Coldplay during the summer, and when I saw Chris Martin play in front of 20,000 cheering people – watching him jump on stage and seeing his energy – I thought to myself, would I want to be a rockstar?

All my life, I dreamed of being Joe Namath or some type of football star. “Fading back to pass, number 12, David Wygant, looking down the middle… looking left, looking right, here comes the blitz, running out of the pocket, he throws the ball… TOUCHDOWN!” Jumping up and down, winning the Superbowl, having 75,000 people scream my name – I thought that was a big thrill.

Or standing up at the plate: “number 47, David Wygant, left fielder for the New York Mets, three balls, two strikes, two men out…” Down 2-1, seventh game of the World Series, the crowd is silent, and then they start chanting, “Wy-gant, Wy-gant, Wy-gant.” Tip – foul tip… into the catcher’s mitt and he drops it! He’s still alive! “3-2, fast ball, he drives it over the left field wall, going, going, GONE!” A home run! Rounding the bases, hearing 75,000 people scream my name as all my teammates are jumping up and down waiting for me…

Maybe if i was playing for the Mets they would not be doing there annual September choke!! I love waking up in my London hotel room and logging on to see how the Mets bullpen blew it the night before!

Those are big thrills. But after spending the last ten years motivating everybody, teaching people how to connect with the opposite sex, and speaking in front of live audiences? I’ve got to tell you: while there is no greater rush than doing what I do right now, if I had to be somebody else, I would love to be a rockstar.

I love getting in front of a thousand people, getting them to laugh, getting them to react, and getting them to feel. But watching Chris Martin sing with his band was unbelievable – to be able to see 20,000 people swaying to your words.

It’s not just swinging a bat or throwing a ball. It’s actually crafting words and emotions into songs and then getting other people to feel through those. That’s power.

So that’s what I would be. What would you be? If you could be any type of performer, what would you be?

We’re talking sports hero, rockstar – any live performer. Would you be a musician? Would you be a conductor? Would you be a rockstar? Hell, maybe some of you even want to be Gloria Estefan! I don’t know why, but maybe some of you would want to be her. (Not that I have anything against her music, it’s just that I never want to hear it. I would rather hear nails scratching up and down on a chalkboard.)

Would you like to be a football or baseball star? What would it be if you could be any type of fantasy person? As a kid, you thought about this all of the time – but as an adult, more evolved, it will be interesting to hear your responses.

I would be a rockstar, because in my business I feel like a rockstar. When I get up and I coach all of you, or get up in front of people in a seminar, I feel like a rockstar. I get to relate and connect with every single person in the audience.

I already feel like I’m living a rockstar life. But if I had to take it to the next level, I would definitely have a band with three of my best friends. The problem is that none of us can sing or play any instruments – but this is a fantasy blog anyway! And as Mr. Rourke says, “smile, everyone, because the fantasy is yours!”

Hailed on Fox News, The LA Times, The NY Times, Playboy and more

And if you’d like to learn the best ways to use it, a conversational hypnosis course might be the best bet for you. There are classes available in a traditional setting as well as through distance learning. Distance or classwork both are great options for learning conversational hypnosis.

What conversational hypnosis really comes down to is hypnotizing and influencing people in everyday interactions. Your use of tone of voice, choice of words and other appeals to the emotions tells them subconsciously what to think and specifically how to feel about particular subjects. It’s possible to change the way people think, their actions even, without any realization they’ve been hypnotized.

There are many conversational hypnosis courses if you are interested in the subject. Research on common search engines such as Google will provide you with hypnosis teachers near you, and after finding several you can contact them to find out if conversational hypnosis is covered in the class curriculum.

There are many conversational hypnosis classes that fit the schedule of a full time employee, including weekend classes. A weekend conversational hypnosis course allows you to learn this great technique without taking time off or revealing the nature of the classes to your boss. This will, of course, allow you to practice your new skills at work.

There are complete distance conversational hypnosis courses that you can order consisting of ebooks, dvds, CDs and books if you prefer to learn at home. The courses give you all the skills you need to get started with conversational hypnosis. If you are planning on using conversational hypnosis on or with your friends and family, this could be the most efficient, or best way for you to get started without them knowing it

Conversational hypnosis is a skill that can only be perfected with practice. To have the best possible outcome, you will need to practice constantly and refine your skills. Conversational hypnosis can provide you with many opportunities if you have enough patience to learn.

Begin by selecting a conversational hypnosis course that fits your learning style. Conversational hypnosis can be used almost anywhere you want to employ it.

You can influence your boss, win an argument with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or even finally impress your hard to please in-laws. Imagine the how much stress you can eliminate from your life using simple techniques. Worlds that you’ve never thought of will be open to you with the use of your conversational hypnosis skills and techniques.

Good luck — with a little bit of practice, you’ll soon learn how to do hypnosis, and then you’ll be a force to be reckoned with!

Want to learn how to do hypnosis to persuade others and get everything you want in love, life and work? See what real consumers are really saying, both good and bad, about the learning hypnosis courses available on the internet at LearnHypnosisReport.com.

No matter how stressed out we can get, know though that keeping our life balanced is not that difficult. There is no need to leave our job and our family or even run away and hide in a far away place just to feel at peace and in control. The truth is, life balance begins within us first and foremost - regardless of what is happening around us.

Here are three simple ways to help start us in our journey to finding inner peace, harmony and life balance:

1) Find some quiet time. Personal time is one of the things that get sacrificed when people get busy. We tend to focus all our energy to helping others, trying to accomplish more than one thing at one time, meeting goals, crossing off to-do lists and just trying to accomplish everything we possibly can.

To enjoy a balanced life, we need to remember that quiet time for ourselves is extremely necessary. It is easy to say that we do not have enough time for ourselves. It’s funny though that when a situation comes up where we need to allocate some time, we are able to make time for that project. Situations like this actually make us more focused, more energetic and more productive which in turn makes us happier. It is not impossible to find some quiet time for ourselves. When we do, we should enjoy and appreciate the silence; certain activities like meditation or reading can surely turn stress into peace and ultimately happiness.

2) Take time for self-care. We must take some time to do the things we enjoy so we can love ourselves everyday. Some things we can do to nurture ourselves are: making sure we get a full 8 hours of sleep, eating a balanced diet, getting a good amount of exercise and also positive self-talk.

When we are tired or stressed out, even the littlest problem can become a nightmare. But, when we are rested and relaxed, we are able to see things in a different light - we tend to see the positive in most situations. When we take the time to take care of ourselves, we are able to replace our burnt out energy quickly. It is easier for us to handle difficult situations and easier for us to find joy and peace in our everyday lives.

3) Learn to be flexible. The biggest cause of stress in most people is high expectations. We are all guilty of this at one point of time. We have a certain expectation on how our lives must be and we get irritated when things do not fall into place. Relax! Let’s take a deep breath and try our best to have a flexible state of mind.

We must try to remove ourselves from the stressful situation and look at it from a different angle. Why not try to go with the flow? When we allow ourselves to do this, we may find that our creativity in solving problems may come out. Imagine being like a tree bending with the breeze. We can move through challenging situations with no drama or frustrations.

These three simple steps can dramatically change our state of well-being. However, we may also want to examine our outer life circumstances. Pay attention to other menial changes we can make to help support our inner work.

One example that comes to mind is letting go of obligations that may no longer be enjoyable and meaningful to us. Agreeing to perform weekly tasks does not mean we need to do it forever especially if it starts to drain our time and energy. It is all right to let go of activities that no longer complement the lifestyle we want so we can have the time to commit to other things. By doing this, we can start to create a peaceful, joyful and a more balanced life

Finding balance in life is rewarding, but it

The American Heritage College Dictionary’s first definition of strategy is, “The Science and Art of using a nation’s forces to execute approved plans as effectively as possible.” Leaving aside the military aspect of this definition, substitute a few words, and for our purposes, you get, “The Science and Art of using a client’s resources and skills to execute detailed plans as effectively as possible.”

Science and Art means that the effort is done in a meticulous way, according to laws of nature, but adjusted and finessed in the moment, as needed when circumstances require it.

In practice, what are the most meaningful ideas that need to be understood about strategies?

1. The primary purpose of behaving strategically is to be as effective as possible, i.e., have the best results, and to have the intended results.

2. Strategic actions are part of a well thought out, detailed plan, a plan that has the most likely probability of success, a plan so well prepared that chance is no longer in play.

3. A client will execute their plan in a logical and realistic progression. Effective strategies are laid out on time lines, so that the client is taking the right action at the right time. With a timeline, the client can release fretting and worrying about any action but the current one.

4. Using a client’s resources and skills means that the client looks at their current resources and considers how they can be used to produce the greatest results. Has the client considered all their resources, including those that have just been sitting on a shelf? Assessing skills is equally as important. Which skills bring the greatest satisfaction? Is there a new combination of existing skills that could produce greater financial return in the market place?

5. Plans are detailed. Initially, the client spends some time brainstorming every possible idea they could conceivably put into action as part of their strategy. Later as part of the process, the client chooses some actions and deletes others. These choices are made, based on things such as clients’ likes and dislikes, likelihood of success, projected results, conditions in the marketplace, time available, and family considerations.

6. Strategies, in the end, are about being executed as effectively as possible. This means that they bring the intended results, and are almost guaranteed to do so. This means that, if executed as planned, there is a high likelihood of success as projected. It also means that skills and resources have been used as efficiently as possible.

7. Lastly, strategies are flexible. Clients should review their strategies regularly (weekly is recommended), and as needed, adjust when the need becomes obvious. If you are reviewing your strategies and evolving them as you go, you can expect even greater results.

Now that you have a better understanding of the meaning of strategy, think about using strategies and strategic planning in your life.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.

How can you leave the life of “drahma” behind and create a life of peace and joy?

1. Decide that making this change will be the most important activity in your life.

2. Decide that you will maintain awareness and consciousness as you assess upcoming decisions to deliberately choose non-dramatic choices.

3. Realize that you have made a lot of self negating choices in the past to create the situation. It will take time and a lot of self validating choices to reverse it.

4. Take a good look at how you have been producing these results. Have you created desperate circumstances, so your choices have been desperate ones? Have you acted abruptly and unwisely in anger, frequently producing even worse circumstances for yourself? Have you created fantasies that you used to drive your choices, only to crash and burn into reality (dead end jobs, relationships and housing)? Have you failed to comprehend how your behavior would impact others…producing detrimental results.

5. If you have a substance abuse problem, realize that this is playing a much larger role in your problems than you realize or acknowledge. Take action on healing this issue in your life.

6. Make a list of all the issues to be handled…those with the greatest potential consequences at the top. Handle one at a time with extreme focus. Don’t be overwhelmed by the size of the list or the dire nature of the issues. Sometimes in life, we are confronted by circumstances where the only mode that works is “one foot in front of the other”. It is not fun. It is not joyous. Probably it feely awful, but it keeps us going and we will “pop through” sooner or later…to great relief.

7. Develop constancy. Examine decisions judiciously before making them. Consider all aspects. Be realistic. Don’t be slowed down by the process, but give up “snap” judgments (preceded by lack of consideration for ramifications). Once all angles have been considered and the decision made, follow through to conclusion. If you’ve decided to clean up your credit, don’t stop until you’ve handled every single debt. If you’re looking for satisfying work, don’t relent until you have gotten clarity on and produced the work for yourself.

8. Become unstoppable. Don’t give up at the first “bump in the road”.

9. Decide to eliminate people, places and things that contribute to an out of control life. you have a pattern of associating with people who mistreat you, discontinue the pattern. If you know something is a mistake and leads to misery, do it differently.

Your life does not have to be one of relentless drama, misery, dissatisfaction, upheaval, tumult and dread. You can change it!

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.

Most of us have had these experiences. They cause us to feel disheartened. We interpret it to mean negative things about ourselves, “There is something wrong with me.”, “I must have been a fool.”, “Why was I so stupid?”, “That’s not going to happen to me again.” In these cases, your self confidence, trust and self trust were just as seriously damaged as your wallet or your heart. How can you trust again? How can you regain your former feeling of confidence and trust?

One of the best and fastest ways to shift these feelings is to realize that, through their behaviors, these people were simply telling you and showing you who they are. They are showing you that they are people who are willing to lie, to be deceptive, to steal, to defraud, or whatever the offense was.

Most of us take such experiences, and make it be about us. We say things to ourselves like, “How could I have been so stupid…so blind?” or, “How could they have done that to me?” or, “What’s wrong with me that they would hurt me so?” Off we go in a downward spiral of self recrimination and suffering.

Better questions would be, “What would be wrong with someone who would treat fellow human beings in such a way?” or, “How could someone be so hateful to another person?” or, “What’s wrong with them?”

Rather than making their treatment of us be about us, realize that they are simply showing you who they are. Every time you are disappointed in your human relationships, simply realize that this person is showing their true character in their behavior. They are showing you that they are willing to be dishonest, hurtful, deceptive or whatever. This is a clear signal for you to choose no further interactions with this person. It is an immediate and simple way out of the suffering.

Their behavior has nothing to do with you except for your misfortune in interfacing with them, or, perhaps some sort of way you were not paying enough attention. Maybe you need to look at any way you are not listening to your intuition, or not heeding good advice when it is given. Frequently, there is something in our behavior that has given us these results. Be aware that our behavior is the only thing that we can change to get more satisfying future relationships.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.

Consider approaching life purpose strategically, that is, laid out as a complete plan consisting of many and varied small action steps accomplished over time.

For our purposes here, we will assume that you know what your life purpose is, but don’t know how to accomplish it. Figuring out life purpose is more complex than could be covered here. So, you know what you are here to accomplish, but cannot figure out how to go forward, taking action consistently.

The first thing to do is to do a “brain dump”, that is to get down on paper every single idea you’ve ever had about how to accomplish this purpose.

At the top of the first page of paper, write “Strategy:”. After the colon, write your life purpose goal. Underneath, draw three columns. Use several sheets of paper, drawing three columns on each sheet. At the top of each column, write “Tactic:”. After each tactic heading, come up with a tactic for that column.

Let’s say your strategy is to become a musician whose work provokes humans to treat fellow humans lovingly and compassionately. Let’s say you are already a trained musician. Some of your tactics might be:

- Create a band or performing group

- Learn music business

- Create electronic press kit

- Create a repertoire of songs

- Write songs

- Get a booking agent

- Plan a tour

- Develop professional relationships

- Get recording contract

Now, under each tactic, begin to list as many small action steps as you can think of. If you realize there is knowledge you need to acquire, make a tactic column titled “Acquire Knowledge”.

For an example of the tactic “Create a Band Or Performing Group”, you might have the following action steps:

- Decide on size of group

- Decide on instruments

- Figure out participants (already known and needed)

- Decide type of music.

- Create Ground rules

- Hold auditions

- Find practice studio

- Decide practice schedule

Create more tactics as you realize the need. Consolidate or expand as needed. Your strategy is a living document that expands as your vision expands. Print your completed strategy off and file it in a binder. Set aside regular times to work on reviewing and revising your strategy. This could be once a week, or twice a month.

When you review your strategy, cross out all the items you have completed. You will find that simply by having a written strategy, you are taking action on it without even thinking of it. As you see what you have completed, you will get new ideas. Add them to the strategy. Date the old version.

Then create a new version, typing it up and adding new items. As you accomplish action items in your strategy, you will meet new people, gain new knowledge, get new ideas, develop new contacts. Add all this into your strategy.

Developing a strategy is the way to bring your Life Purpose into reality the easiest and fastest. It can be done…and it can be easy.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.

It is your identity if:

- You use it as a context to explain your current behaviors, especially not performing to your abilities.

- You consistently and constantly reference it to describe your “specialness”.

- You make self-limiting choices now because of these “ancient” experiences.

- Anyone who knows you needs to understand your background to get close to you.

- You feel that you’re “entitled” to unique treatment or behavior because of having been traumatized.

- You must mention your background everywhere you go.

- You believe you have suffered unusually more than others…entitling you to “kid glove” treatment.

- You still suffer regularly and often from the experience.

- You believe others have been so much more blessed than you.

- You have multiple ways you let these past experiences rob you of a fully expressed life now.

- You are easily traumatized in present day life.

If you recognize yourself in these statements, it could be that you are robbing yourself of a great life now, by not realizing that you have let your history become your identity. This does not mean anything bad about you or who you are. It is a fairly common occurrence and may just be a natural part of the human animal. It is simply an unconscious way that humans let the past control their present and their future.

Here are some things you can do to change your past from being your identity to simply being your history:

1. Bring these behaviors to consciousness by paying attention to any way you limit yourself now because of your past.

2. If you need help, seek out an excellent therapist. Get referrals from people you trust. If the first session is not spectacular, keep “shopping” for a therapist, until you get the feeling that you have “found the one”. Don’t settle for someone average or second rate. Go to therapy as long as you need to resolve your issues. There’s a great life on the other end of this work.

3. Start to notice when you find yourself needing to tell the story again to new people, and see how it feels “not to go there”.

4. Consider modifying your behavior by not repeating the story again, but instead, identifying yourself in a new way.

5. Having this type of history does not mean anything bad about you. It just means that you had the misfortune of never having known a normal loving family. It is better to have compassion for the child that you were.

6. Make a point of choosing people, places and things that validate you and support you and help you grow in the ways you want to grow.

7. Realize that you have a responsibility to yourself to create the type of “intentional family” that you wish you had had as a child. Go to those types of places where caring, loving people are. Keep showing up and make a point of “putting yourself out there” to connect with others.

8. Realize that many people who have had painful childhoods punish themselves with various forms of substance abuse. If this describes you, get help. There are no solutions (and certainly no happy lives) in the bottom of a bottle.

9. Know that it is possible to completely heal from a horrible childhood. It is not easy. It takes a lot of work, but the happiness and joy are worth it. Don’t let “them” steal a wonderful life from you.

Just because you have allowed your history to become your identity does not mean that your whole life has to be like this. It is possible to deactivate these traumatic events, release this old identity, and have it just be simply your history. Take back control of your present and your future.

Suzi Elton is a success coach working with highly creative types to create income that matches their talent.She has coached hundreds of clients to approach their goals strategically through tiny steps to bring about quantum leaps. Get free Life Purpose exercises, at http://mylifepurposecoaching.com.